Bless Your Heart... ?

One day during my first year of teaching, I ran into a really awkward situation. I had a student who decided to attach a paper “pole” to the zipper in his jeans. From that point on, he began to approach another boy in the classroom and made some obscene gestures. I was stunned and appalled. When I asked the student why he did this, he said he was trying to make friends. Yeah right. What I really wanted to say was along the lines of Joe Pesci in My Cousin Vinny:

Later that day, I was telling the story to other teachers about what happened in my classroom in classic teacher fashion. I expected everyone to be stunned an appalled with me. Maybe they would even drop a curse word. Instead, one teacher said, “Oh, BLESS HIS HEART.”

Bless his heart? Seriously? This kid just pretended to sodomize another, and you want him blessed? I was stunned and appalled for the second time that day.

My next encounter with this phrase at school was when a student came to school wearing tight red pleather pants and a red shirt that did not match. One teacher looked at me, and said, “Oh, BLESS HER HEART.” Initially I had another My Cousin Vinny moment and wanted to be Marisa Tomei:

Then I started to realize that this crazy phase is a Southern way to use when I would say, “What the hell?” It is a polite way without curse words to put someone down when you care about them. I thought I was acclimating to Virginia really well because I had conquered this phrase.

Then my conquest turned upside down. I was planning my wedding and discussing the dilemma that we had no younger children in our families. Our solution was that my grandma was going to be my flower girl and my husband’s elderly uncle was going to be the ring bearer. Since I was speaking with someone from my husband’s family, I expected a “That’s so cool!” or “What a great idea!” Instead, they responded, “Well, BLESS YOUR HEART.” I kind of smiled nervously and found a new conversation topic. I was so confused.

Now that I have spent eight full years in Virginia, I have come to realize that this unique phrase can mean up to three different things.

Ways to Use the “Bless Their Heart” Conundrum

1. Urban Dictionary said it best: This is a term used by the people of the southern United States particularly near the Gulf of Mexico to express to someone that they are an idiot without saying such harsh words. For example, "You are an idiot but I like you and care about you so I don’t want to hurt your feelings." Northerners can use this one well.

2. As an expression of pity. “Well, that is just so sad and God just needs to bless their soul.” 

3. As a blessing. “Really, bless your heart.”

A note to Northerners: When someone says this, just smile back until you figure out how the southerner means it.

A note to Southerners: When the northerner looks at you weird after you say it, they might be trying to figure out if you just cursed at them in your own little way.

Disclaimer from the Northern Writer: I am no way the authority in Southernese. Please leave a comment to further educate this baffled northerner on this crazy phrase.

-Billie